Dating With Genital Herpes
I wish it weren't true, but I have contracted the virus for genital herpes. And, one of the greatest dichotomies is that the VERY thing, for me, that demonstrates my true love for a man is to have an intimate sexual relationship with him. I've given myself to very few men over the years, and one of these very few men who happens to be married, but we are in an open relationship together with his wife's consent, we are essentially "friends with benefits" ; well, he was someone that I've always believed cared for me.
He is someone I've always felt loved me enough to protect me and keep me safe. And yet, he passed this virus onto me. I can't tell you how betrayed I feel. And what makes this whole situation even worse is that he TOLD me he had it and I didn't take any dating someone with type 2 herpes to protect myself. I am so ashamed. I've even told my friends that "he didn't know he had it" dating someone with type 2 herpes I can't even admit to myself that I didn't look out for myself the way I should have.
The thing I am struggling so deeply with is that I want to have a partner, a totally exclusive partner, not someone who is married and "allowed" to be with another woman. It has never been my desire to be in a relationship like this. I have many reasons for engaging in this kind of relationship a very long story but believe me, it's not my long term choice.
I want an exclusive and totally loving relationship with a man who adores me and I him. But, dating someone with type 2 herpes that I have this virus, and I am fully aware of the impact it has had on my body I've had painful symptoms non-stop for months! How can I risk the health and wellbeing of someone that I love? How can I do to someone what someone else has done to me?
This situation feels absolutely hopeless to me. All I wish is that there is something you can say, that can give me a glimmer of hope for the future. I can only imagine the pain both physical and emotionalthe worry about your sex life being over, the anger at him and at you for allowing this to happen, and the stress of symptoms that just won't go away.
My heart goes out to you with every ounce of love, compassion and caring that I have. I know that makes little difference to the reality of your situation -- that it changes nothing -- but in some way, I hope you can feel the huge hug I am giving you right now. That's roughly per cent of the U. And this statistic only includes the people who are aware that they have the virus.
So, even if you and your partner wait to be tested before having sex -- if you haven't asked for the specific herpes blood test -- there is STILL the risk that one or both of you have the HSV1 or HSV2 virus and don't know it. I want to make this one point very clear. Just because you have herpes does not mean you are "dirty" or "damaged goods. As you may already know the Herpes virus comes in two different strains HSV1 oral and HSV2 genital.
Statistically per cent of adults carry the HSV1 virus in the form of cold sores whereas per cent carry the HS2 virus on the genitals. HSV1 steam matchmaking region become the cause of about 30 per cent of new genital herpes infections -- usually spread via oral sex. It can be spread from one partner to another even when there are NO noticeable symptoms on the part of either partner.
Since many people engage in oral sex without the use of condoms or dental dams, getting genital herpes from oral sex is increasingly common. And the not-so-"funny" thing is, it's more common to be thought of as "dirty" or "damaged goods" if you have HSV2, yet no one seems to mind if it's "just a cold sore. Dating someone with type 2 herpes and HSV2 are essentially the same virus -- it's just a matter of where they present on the body.
So, to the aware individual who has done her homework on the Herpes virus, you are no more "dirty" or "damaged goods" if you have HSV2 instead of HSV1. In fact, you not "dirty" either way! Mary, I feel that your question about herpes is so critically important because your major concern has to do with the ongoing painful physical symptoms that you've endured and how you could never risk passing this on to someone you love.
This is where I feel a little concerned, and not from a coaching or therapy perspective that has to do with helping you find a more supportive outlookbut from a physical health standpoint. I've conferred with my partner Todd who is a physician and I've read as I'm sure you have numerous websites about the typical symptoms of herpes. None seem to be anywhere as severe as you've described and for that reason, Todd suggested that you may want to consider seeing a specialist: To address your question about not wanting to pass this painful virus onto someone else, I completely understand.
However, I also feel that the pertinent thing to keep in mind here is that the symptoms you are having are not "normal" without trying to make you feel "abnormal". You may never notice symptoms from an HSV infection. On the other hand, you might notice symptoms within a few days to a couple of weeks after the initial contact. Or you might not have an initial outbreak of symptoms until months or even years after becoming infected. When symptoms occur soon after a person is infected, they tend to be severe.
They may start as small blisters that eventually break open and produce raw, painful sores that scab and heal over within a few weeks. Mary, I feel confident that once you get your symptoms under control you will be able to release the trauma of this painful time in your life. This will then allow you to see herpes for what it really is: When and how to reveal the "herpes secret" is a top of mind question for anyone who has contracted the virus. I wish I had the space to cover this topic on this blog post but I'm already way over.
I would however like to bring your attention to a great page I've found called " Telling Someone " on DWH. They give excellent advice on how to handle this super sensitive topic. The Gremlin, as fellow dating coach Marni Battista likes to call it, is that mean, judgmental, condemning voice inside head.
The Gremlin is responsible for all of your sabotaging thoughts.